


Goodbyes Are Always the Hardest

by vintage_masquerade



Category: Left 4 Dead 2
Genre: M/M, Nellis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2013-11-20
Packaged: 2018-01-02 03:11:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vintage_masquerade/pseuds/vintage_masquerade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know, Overalls…” Nick muttered, a poor imitation of his usual smirk on his face, “when I said the last thing I wanted to hear was your stupid voice…”</p>
<p>He slowly reached up a hand to the younger’s face, fingers leaving bloody smears along his cheek.<br/>“This wasn’t what I meant.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbyes Are Always the Hardest

**Author's Note:**

> My response to a prompt on Tumblr for FicWar2013. Enjoy!

“You know, Overalls…” Nick muttered, a poor imitation of his usual smirk on his face, “when I said the last thing I wanted to hear was your stupid voice…”  
He slowly reached up a hand to the younger’s face, fingers leaving bloody smears along his cheek.

“This wasn’t what I meant.”

Tears fell with the rain raging outside the shed, the concussive rumble of thunder almost enough to mask the faint pulse fluttering under Ellis’ fingertips. His grip on Nick’s wrist tightened desperately, as if it would keep the gambler from leaving this earth, from leaving this spot on the floor, held firmly in the mechanic’s lap.

“Don’t talk like that, please…” The hick whispered, eyes never straying from Nick’s. Those eyes were what most clearly told that something was wrong, even more so than the crimson overpowering the faded blue of the conman’s dress shirt, or the gashes that spread like gills with each laboured breath.  
The harsh, ever-challenging spark that had always been in those eyes, for every gunshot, every word, every touch, every kiss… It was gone. For all the agony in Ellis’ blues, there was nothing left to meet it but faded green. That almost scared him more than the blood slipping through their fingers.

Nick drew another shuddering breath, gaze narrowing in more than one kind of pain. “I’m glad you shot that bitch when you did, Ace. At least this way…”

“I could’ve killed her sooner, Nick!” Ellis blurted out, voice rising past the point of breaking, “I shouldn’t’ve let yuh go off on yer own, I should’ve just shut the hell up and let yuh yell at me—”  
“El…”  
“—it is my fault we’re separated from Coach and Ro, like yuh said—”  
“Ellis.”  
“—it’s my fault that yuh got mad and went off on yer own—”

_“Ellis.”_  
Nick’s hand pressed urgently against his face, finally succeeding in silencing the Georgian. Their eyes locked again, something in the gambler’s stare holding his lover’s. Something they shared, something that was tearing them both apart from the inside out. Regret.

The mechanic leaned into Nick’s cold touch as whimpering gave in to hoarse sobs, eyes shut tight against the tears flowing down his face. “I’m sorry Nick… I’m so sorry…”

“No, I’m sorry.” Nick interrupted, somehow speaking over the other man. His thumb stroked Ellis’ cheekbone as he spoke, as little as it did to quell his heaving breaths. “I’m sorry for being such an asshole. I shouldn’t have blamed you for losing Coach and Ro. I’m a heartless bastard.”

Ringed fingers slid down to the younger man’s chin, prompting him to open his eyes and meet the gambler’s gaze once more. “And you deserve better.”

It took a moment for Ellis to gain enough control to respond in a cracked whisper, charged with raw emotion. “I don’t want better, Nick. I want you.”  
Surprise stung Ellis with a clenching heartache as two tears streaked back into Nick’s hair, disappearing into the soaked locks. His voice was barely a whisper when he said, “Stupid kid…”

The overwhelming pain in his eyes, however, couldn’t quite hide the grin on his pale face. “Come here.”

He sluggishly moved his hand up in invitation. Gently, tenderly, Ellis lifted his lover into his chest, the other man doing so little of the work. Nick felt so fragile in his arms, like anything more than this careful embrace would cause him to shatter like blown glass. Ellis buried his face in his dying friend’s neck, cradling his head like a newborn’s. They stayed there for an endless second, neither daring to let the other go in this final intimate contact, hearts beating yearningly against each other. When either of them spoke again, it was with the quietest murmur that Ellis felt more than heard on his neck.

“I love you, Ellis. Promise me you’ll never forget that.”

The remaining pieces of Ellis’ heart burst apart with such painful, bittersweet intensity that the air was stolen from his lungs. Finally it sunk in; despite how much the four survivors had boldly claimed otherwise, not every member of their group was going to make it out alive.  
For Nick, for the one person Ellis least expected to fall, the end was only seconds away.

Ellis would hold on to him until his heart beat alone.

“I love you too, Nick,” the kid breathed back, “I promise I’ll never forget, by my own damn life.”  
The ghost of a laugh brushed against the mechanic’s skin. Slowly, passively, the faint warmth of breaths on his skin faded. As the last one drew itself from Nick’s chest, Ellis felt the arm around his neck give, and his lover’s full weight fell slack into his arms.

Hot tears streaked down his cheeks with renewed vigour, and a breath was forced from him in one unrestrained, mournful cry. He didn’t let go. He wouldn’t let go of him. The typhoon raged on for hours, and yet tired itself out before he let go. This was a piece of himself, strung out and implanted into a white-suited gambler, now severed and broken for good. This was loss in its purest form, and he would bear it for the rest of his days.

“I’ll never forget, brother.”


End file.
